13> Last week had 20/20 vision, but now wears a patch over *both* eyes and uses a seeing-eye parrot.
12> He's got this crazy obsession for Peter Pan, and he's not in NAMBLA.
11> While the sea chanteys and hornpipe made for a refreshing change of pace, you would have preferred that the cantor perform something more traditional at your grandmother's funeral.
10> "Arrggh! What be ye talkin' about, Willis?"
9> Even addresses that dreadful gnome in the tollbooth as "me proud beauty."
8> Every day this week she's insisted on eating lunch at Arrrrrrrrrrrby's.
7> He's banned from the strip joint after the dancers complain about having their G-strings stuffed with ice-cold doubloons.
6> On his first day of fencing lessons, he decapitates the instructor.
5> Just posed for a "Got Scurvy?" ad.
4> The bandanna, eye shadow and beaded beard are quite a change, but then nobody expected Ari Fleischer's final press conference to be the same old same old.
3> Hubby's got a wooden leg this morning. Again.
2> Insists that sausage mascot got what she deserved.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign
Someone You Know Has Pirate Fever...
1> He's teaching his Rottweiler to sit -- on his shoulder.