Decibel (decibel45) wrote,

Mental healing

I've found my thoughts about my accident to be interesting. First, there's the dichotomy of my life before and after. I find myself thinking about simple things like walking around my parent's house and at first wondering how such things are possible, before remembering that my current immobility is only a temporary condition. It's very frustraiting taking 5 minutes for a simple trip to the bathroom, and aggrivating that I basically can't carry anything.

There's also the knowledge that I could have prevented this. Without going back into full details of the accident, I had what I estimate to be about 1/2 of a second to flare before I hit the ground. Had I flared as soon as I realized how low I was I probably would have walked away, possibly even standing up the landing. Even flaring just before impact probably would have lessened the impact.

Now ultimately I don't know how much I should expect that I should have been able to react in time. I'm sure there's plenty of more experienced skydivers who wouldn't have reacted in time, and I'm sure there's some less experienced skydivers who would have reacted in time. I don't really blame myself for not reacting (though maybe I should), but it's still frustrating to know that ultimately, had I reacted in time, I would have been able to shrug this off. I'd have been able to jump the rest of the weekend, driven myself home, walk around my house, not turn down a consulting job, etc.

Ultimately I know I'll get over these relatively minor injuries and go back to my normal life. I'm certainly not consumed by regret or anything. I just find it interesting how my psyche is reacting to this.

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